I sometimes wonder how I have friends.
Me::
Hey, let's be a minimal pair - share the same phonological environment
Friend::
Oh God. I just got hit on with a linguistic pick-up line.
Me::
My broca's area stops working around you.
Friend::
...
Friend::
You know what?
Friend::
I'm just going to leave.
Me::
Don't be an allophone!
Friend::
...
Me::
Okay, fine - we can be free morphemes, live our separate lives..